Day 15 - Disappointment

Day 15 – Have you ever let someone down or felt like such a disappointment? I remember growing up feeling like all I could do was disappoint my dad. I know he didn't mean for things to come across this way, but he would usually focus on the negative aspects instead of giving positive feedback. Or, maybe all I heard was the negative. Very difficult to look back and see clearly without glasses and a magnifying glass. It broke my heart to disappoint him because I loved him so very much. He had such a disappointing childhood due to the difficulties with his parents that I didn't want to be yet another source of pain for him.

You would think that situation would deter me from ever wanting to disappoint another person and yet I seem to do it on a daily basis. I know I am not perfect and often lead a life where sin creeps in no matter how hard I try to keep it at bay. Satan is far craftier than we ever seem to think. Furthermore, we continue to make the same mistakes.

I did my mile early today as I have been struggling with a severe migraine for the last 24 hours. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to do the mile later so I did it as early as possible. I wasn't really sure what I was supposed to write about until an argument ensued with my husband. It came through loud and clear due to the verse that had come across my path earlier. "[Doing Good to All] Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted."- Galatians 6:1

When someone gets mad at you or they are disappointed with you, don't you just want to beat the crap out of them? Part of that is the fight or flight aspect of hurt. We either want to fight back or flee and walk away. As my husband was sharing some of his heart, it took everything I had to not fling a boulder or two back. I'm trying to just accept how I have hurt him in one way or another and try to hear how God wants me to change. Truth is – I am just disappointing and hurting my father yet again…only it is my heavenly father.


So, while my head has been hurting, my heart is also hurting a tremendous amount. That is the kind that only God can heal. While I was struggling with my migraine last night, the pain grew to such a level; all I could do was cry and suffer in the dark. I know that God was with me but it was hard not to feel alone. I can only imagine the pain and hurt that Jesus felt because of my own personal sin that he took to the cross with him. I know that my hurt and sadness are only a drop in the bucket compared to what I put upon Him. All I can do is accept where I have hurt others and where I might be sinning and continue to keep my eyes on Jesus in effort to be more like Him.

Where is it that Jesus is calling you to hear him and maybe change?