Day 33 – Letting Go

Day 33 – Philippians 3:12 – 14 says:  ¹²Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

This scripture took on new meaning for me today as I decided to let go of something that I have held onto for almost 20 years. It was 20 years ago that I felt God calling me to do something and very strongly at that. Instead of following God and trusting him, I went my own direction. I know that He works all things for good no matter where we end up. I cannot tell you how guilty I have felt over the last 20 years for not following what God asked me to do and furthermore, sad because it was clearly where my heart and passion was lying. I have asked forgiveness from God and I know He has forgiven me, but it is me who has not forgiven me. I decided to let go and stop trying to hold onto something from the past that isn't coming back. In all honesty, I didn't really realize I was holding onto it until the last few days when it became clear. Tears came to my eyes and my heart was very sad.

It is going to take time to completely forgive myself as I have had these feelings buried for a very long time. However, I know that living in the past will only rob me of what is in store for the future. I know that God will work things for good and I also know that he will walk through this sad time with me until I have healed completely.

I know I am sounding very intellectual about all of this but in truth my heart is aching right now and my mile was very difficult today.

I pray that you, too, can move forward knowing that God is always with you.